Let’s Talk Finances

One of the biggest questions I get as a married woman is how do we handle our finances. Since financial problems are one of the top reasons for divorce, it is clearly a topic I had to discuss. So let’s get into it.

How do you handle your bank accounts?

Let me start by saying that one way does not fit all. And it is absolutely okay to change methods if a strategy is not working for you and your spouse. For the first few years of our marriage, my husband and I had separate accounts. This was solely because that was the last thing to be merged. But if I am being completely honest, having separate accounts was not ideal for me. If you have been following my blog over the last few months you know that I have done a lot of self-work over the years. One thing that I discovered about myself is that I did not have a healthy relationship with money. Quite frankly, I was so scared of being broke that I would not spend money and I would always look at my husband crazy when he spent money.

My spending habits (or lack thereof) stemmed from how I was raised and the relationship my parents had with money. Reading The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks helped me understand that I do not have the same habits as my parents had when I was younger and that it is okay spend money on things that I want. How does this relate to separate accounts? Well, my husband would try to tell me to go ahead and buy some new shoes because “we’re good” but I would look at my account and be like…how? 

It is also important to note that I was probably overreacting with my own account as well. I have a bottom number that I don’t like my account to get to and when I get close to that amount I shutdown spending. So even though I trust my husband, the numbers were not adding up in my head.

The Solution…

With all that being said, my husband and I have joint accounts and this works best for us. We have 2 joint checking accounts and one joint savings. For us, it provides clarity and transparency about where our finances are and how we can support each other when needed. I am still working on spending more on my wants but this was a huge step in the right direction for us.

Dealing with your spouse’s premarital debt:

My husband and I see each other’s debts as our own. For me, it is an honor to be able to help my husband out in any way that I can and that includes financially. Helping each other pay down debt is a win for the both of us. It allows both of us to have a healthy relationship with money and relieves the stress that comes with feeling like we have to do it all by ourselves. To be clear, there is no expectation that this should happen, only wanting to take care of each other. 

This is why financial discussions should happen before getting married. You need to know what you are signing up for and how each of you feel about premarital debt BEFORE saying “I do.” If you haven’t discussed it before, it is not the end of the world. Start today!

Budgeting

I know many couples that go halfsies on everything and I also know many couples where  the husband pays all of the bills. Again, you have to find out what works for you and your spouse. What method causes the least amount stress for the two of you and what is best for the household. As for us, we use a monthly budget that is based on our incomes. We go by the numbers. We each have certain bills that we pay because that is what makes sense based on our salaries. 

When we sit down and discuss our marriage goals during our weekly meetings, we also discuss our finances. We have a shared spreadsheet that we can update whenever we need to. This helps us to have a visual each month of how well we are doing with paying things off. And if adjustments need to be made we can make them in a timely manner.

No matter what strategy you use, I recommend having some variation of a finance meeting monthly. It is a great way to make sure you all reach your goals and take care of your wants and needs.

Biggest Take Away

You have to talk about finances. Get a good understanding about where you are as a couple and where you want to go. There is not one method that fits all. If a strategy is not working, abandon it and move on to something better. These can be some of the toughest conversations you have because it makes you vulnerable but as I always say, your happiness is worth the work.

How do you handle finances? Comment below: