Self Care: Why you need it as a wife

Self care is something that was not truly on my radar until I turned 30. This was a huge milestone that I was actually excited about but, I also realized that I did not take the time to take care of my wants and needs. At this point in my life I was a fairly new teacher, I had been married for 4 years and a mother of 2 children. With all of this and more on my plate, my priorities were often shifted to the needs and wants of my family. Therefore, I did not see that my wants and needs were put on the back burner.

I often hear other women giving new wives the advice: “Don’t lose yourself” or some variation of that notion. What I have come to realize is that this loss of oneself is often not noticeable nor does it happen quickly. As a mother, wife, and professional, constantly giving of myself comes so naturally. I didn’t realize I had stopped reading for pleasure, shopping for my wants/needs, and so many other things that I enjoy doing.

So, 30 days before I turned 30, I started a personal campaign called “30 days of 30.” The goal was to do at least one thing that I truly wanted or enjoyed doing everyday. This included:

• Reading a book
• Cooking a meal that I enjoyed
• Having a glass of wine
• Shopping
• Getting a massage
• Watching a TV series 
• Journaling
• And much more…

This set the tone for where I am now! At 33 years old, I do many things that are centered around taking care of myself. I had to shake off the mom and wife guilt and learn that it is okay to  consider myself first. I will even place it on the calendar as a reminder for my family. 

Self Care vs. Self soothing

I have only recently discovered the difference between self care and self soothing. The distinction between the two helps prioritize what is actually needed at the moment. This video helped me to understand it better. This is how I would categorize some things I partake in on a regular:

Self Care: Strengthens, regulates, and revitalizes us	Self Soothing: Provides comfort or a distraction
Going to the doctor Meditation and prayer Eating Healthier Going for a walk Going to bed early Keeping good hygiene	Getting my favorite coffee Watching my favorite show/movie Reading Indulging in my favorite dessert Shopping Hanging with the girls

I honestly believe that some things in these categories can be fluid. For example, hanging with my friends can be therapeutic and help regulate my mental health. Everyone needs different things at different points in their lives.

One other hurdle that I had to overcome is the price tag that comes along with some of my self care strategies. Hair, nails, waxes, skincare, books, and so on can truly add up every month. So I started off doing a lot of these things myself. I watched YouTube videos to figure out how to style my natural hair, I polished my own nails, and found many other ways to take care of myself within my budget.

The message I want to convey to wives and women everywhere is that you can and should take care of yourself with any budget you may have. 

My Biggest Takeaway

Take care of yourself! It’s so crazy to think that I never need to remind my husband to do things he enjoys or needs. For as long as I can remember he has been working out, shopping, and spending quality time with friends with no guilt attached. That’s the same energy that I now keep in my mind when I take care of my needs and wants. Lawrence is wonderful at supporting and encouraging me to do everything that I need and want to do. When that mom guilt begins creeping up I literally ask myself, “What would Lawrence say?” 

Taking care of my needs and wants just makes me happier and less stressed. Being a wife and a mom are not easy roles. Taking the time to get rejuvenated is one of the best things I began doing for myself.

Remember you’re worth it!