It is the week of my wedding anniversary and I am definitely in my feelings. Every year, our anniversary gives us the opportunity to reflect and reminisce on our marriage, wedding, love, and the family we are building. In the spirit of 7 years, here are 7 things I have learned and that I have been reflecting on this week:
- Self-work is the key to growth: Working on myself has been very important in our marriage. So many people fall into the trap of wanting the other person to change for their benefit but that is not fair, nor healthy. We may need to change some things about us and being the change that we want to see in our relationship.
Things I had to learn AND be able to communicate to my husband include:
- My triggers
- How I want to be loved and how I enjoy giving love
- The best way to communicate my needs
- What I am self conscious about
- My biggest fears
- Knowing you and your spouse’s love language is helpful: This goes along with understanding how you enjoy receiving love. Let’s be honest, the word love doesn’t mean anything without actions behind it. So what are the actions that you perceive as love? This is what must be communicated to your spouse and they must also share the actions they perceive as love.
My top love language is quality time and my husbands is physical touch. During our weekly marriage meetings we are able to gauge whether our love tanks are full or not. These check-ins help tremendously!
- Live in the moment: This is something that I have to constantly remind myself about. When we pray and set goals for our family, sometimes I get consumed with the vision for the future. This then causes me to look past all of the wonderful things that God has presently blessed us with. Taking the time to write down my gratitude daily allows me to stay grounded. It allows me to enjoy the time now and to truly see that we are presently living in a blessing that was once just a prayer.
- Prioritize dating: Whew! This has been a tough one. Even though it is so important, life gets in the way. Dating with 3 kids under the age of 10 is challenging. But, we are figuring it out. The key for us is finding reliable sitters and thinking outside of the box. Day dates have recently been our go to method.
No matter how you accomplish it, dating will allow you to rekindle that flame, let your hair down, and strengthen your bond.
- Set boundaries: This is a biggie! For me this means keeping work life and home life separate. This also means protecting my peace at all cost! This became even more challenging when my husband began working from home but also made the need for boundaries that much more important. Setting up boundaries for my household allowed for us to have a place of peace and not let the outside world dictate our every move. What does this look like?
- Not attaching work email to personal phone
- Not answering work calls outside of work hours
- Shutting off notifications on certain apps or group chats
- Not accepting calls after a certain hour
- Not accepting company after a certain hour (our kids are on a strict bedtime)
- Phones and TV are not allowed during dinner
- Marriage Meetings are essential: I cannot stress this enough. Having frequent check-ins throughout the month is key to making sure that we are being intentional about building our love and our bond. We are not leaving this thing to chance. God gave us this wonderful gift that we have in one another and we intend to be good stewards over it.
- Always Lead with Love: I had to learn that my husband is only trying to love me. We may not always get things right but understanding that neither one of us are intentionally doing or saying anything to hurt one another is huge for me. We understand that both of us will always do and say things from a place of love. So when there is a disagreement, it doesn’t turn into a blow up because I know that we did not intend to hurt each other. The hurt may be there but it allows us to fix the “thing” instead of each other.
Were these anniversary reflections helpful? Let me know in the comments.
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