Can you balance all of that?

“It’s not the load that breaks you down; it’s the way you carry it.” -Lena Horne

When I think of balance, I begin thinking about how I can give equal amounts of attention to the many jobs I hold as a woman. These include: mother, wife, daughter, professional, and friend. And after many years of soul searching and beating myself up for “neglecting” some of these titles/responsibilities, I finally figured out what works for me. And for me, it’s boundaries! 

See, trying to find balance is tiring and I honestly feel like it is not possible. There are going to be weeks where I spend more hours doing work than I am playing tea party with my daughters. There are also going to be times where I spend the whole weekend doing family things rather than with my friends. And I refuse to beat myself up about it. Instead, I set boundaries for the time I am spending with people as well as on certain tasks. This allows me to give my full attention to whatever task is in front of me at the time.

How it works

Step 1:

The first part of setting clear boundaries is getting a calendar and planning out my week. I recall getting frustrated when my husband and my schedules did not match up. And now that the kids are getting older we have to factor in their social lives as well. When our schedules did not match up, one or both of us would have to unexpectedly miss events that were important or fun and would cause undue worries and anxiety on my part. 

Using a calendar can also allow you to see how much time you are devoting to certain people or tasks. This can be discussed and adjusted by you and your spouse to make sure that both of your cups are filled. Again, the idea for us is not to find balance but to be happy and  intentional about maximizing the time we are spending with others or on tasks.

We now have a synched Google calendar. We put anything that could affect the other person’s day on it. He even includes his business calendar. In addition to the Google calendar, I also have my personal Happy Planner. This is where I write my “to do” lists for the week, reminders for myself, and personal items that do not necessarily require my husband’s attention. For example: buying a birthday gift for my best friend, beginning a new book, morning checklists, etc.

Step 2:

Now it’s time to put my boundaries into place. Let’s take work for example. I cannot remember where I heard this but, it has stuck with me for a while now: While you’re at work, work! This will decrease the amount of work that needs to come home with you and increase the amount of work that gets done any given day. This will directly impact the time you have for things outside of work hours.  Now I know you may be saying “Duh, girl! That’s what I go to work for.” But reality is, I used to waste work hours doing other things which did not seem like such a big deal at first. Let me tell you what I mean:

• Spending 10 minutes (sometimes more) talking with a co-worker
• Checking Social Media
• Pushing things around my desk (aka organizing)
• Staring off into space for 10 minutes
• Putting things off for another time
• Taking a few extra minutes on my lunch break 

These things don’t seem like a big deal but the time can add up quickly. And I’d much rather get paid to complete my work on the clock than dragging it home and missing time with my family. So during my scheduled work time I will sometimes close and lock my door so that I may work uninterrupted, I promptly leave meetings when they are over, and I limit my phone usage to work and emergencies. 

Another place I set boundaries is with my homelife. Family is everything to me. I wish I could spend more time with my family but, that is not my reality all the time. Therefore, I set boundaries in order to maximize the time we do spend together. Some of these boundaries include:

• No phones at the dinner table
• No phone calls between 8pm and 7am
• If work needs to be done, there is a 2 hour limit I set for myself
• Work emails are not synched to my phone

I want my family to know that they are loved and that I enjoy spending time with them. So whatever I can do to show them this, I will do it for them. If friends and extended family call in the middle of a movie night or game with my kids, I will not take the call. I will simply stay in the moment and call back when I can. 

Step 3:

Be patient! I am often so hard on myself when I have to bring work home or I am running late for my son’s game. But the reality is these things are going to happen. It does not make me a bad mother. It is not a habit, it is one instance and  I should give myself grace. Life is hard enough without me putting myself down.

 This is why I think setting these boundaries or limits is key. There is no way I can devote equal amounts of time to every aspect of my life. But what I can do is intentionally spend the time that I have with the tasks at hand. This allows me to give my best without feeling as if I am neglecting something or someone else. 

How do you set boundaries in your life? Comment below: