Bedtime Routine: Who’s in Charge?

Part of raising a happy and healthy family means getting a good night of rest in my book. Yet, for some reason, my girls do not feel the same way. If you have been following me on social media over the last month, you know that I have been working on getting my girls to fall asleep by themselves and stay in their beds all night. Whew! It has been a struggle! Let’s get into it…

Our Struggle:

I need sleep! My husband can function off of 4-6 hours of sleep. Whereas if I don’t get 8 hours of sleep I don’t feel like myself. So I always say that I am in some stage of tired at any given moment and it’s the truth! As parents, especially moms, we sacrifice so much physically and mentally for our children. And now I want to have this one thing back. I AM TIRED OF BEING TIRED! Now I know that as parents we are still going to be exhausted at times but being able to get a good night of rest on a consistent basis sounds  pretty good to me right about now.

I don’t want to fall asleep at the same time as my kids anymore. I want to put them to bed and then have some time at the end of the night to relax and converse with my husband. I also want to wake up feeling relaxed and rejuvenated instead of feeling like I got jumped in my sleep. I mean can anyone tell me why toddlers sleep so wild?

We have always had a bedtime for our kids. At 8pm sharp, we pray, brush teeth, and then go to bed. But, our girls (Anora, 4 and Ava, 2) want to cuddle and be skin to skin with us while winding down. This sounds really nice and sweet until it takes 2 hours for them to finally fall asleep. So that book I wanted to read or that show I wanted to watch doesn’t happen because I can barely keep my eyes open at this point! And then the real test begins. Who will end up in our bed in the middle of the night or wake up crying for mommy and daddy? The thought of that alone causes me to lose sleep.

Something had to give…

What we’ve tried:

When I was growing up I used to watch a show called “Supernanny” and I remember that she used to work with families on getting their kids to bed. So I searched some of the old episodes on YouTube and followed her on Instagram to review the strategy she used. Basically, to get them falling asleep without being held we:

• Sat in the middle of their room 
• They could see us but could not touch us
• Limited to no conversation
• If they got out the bed we would just place them back, no small talk

Based on the videos I watched, I knew this could take hours. In one of the episodes it took four hours! But my husband and I were ready to tackle this issue head on. The first night it took 2 hours and 40 minutes. Which seemed like an eternity. Then came the fun part, keeping them from sleeping in our bed. The strategy for this was to keep placing them back in their beds no matter how many times it happened throughout the night. Thankfully our 4 year old only tried 3 times and our 2 year old stayed sound asleep.

Our Success:

I am happy to report that even though we still have work to do, we have made progress. We started seeing some progress the second night. Our wins include:

1. On average, the girls fall asleep within an hour
2. They both stay in their beds all night
3. I am able to have some adult time before bed

Now did we do everything perfectly? Of course not. Some nights I couldn’t help but to converse/scold them. There were also some nights that my 4 year old would fall asleep in 45 minutes but, the 2 year old would be jumping up and down on the bed. And what did I do? I would rock her to sleep and she’d be out in 5 minutes. Yes, I would feel guilty for not sticking to the plan but overall I gave myself grace and kept it pushing.

Next Steps:

The next step for us is to wean them off of even needing us to sit in the room while they fall asleep. Unfortunately I have not come across a “Supernanny” episode that shows this part of the process yet but, I will certainly continue my research. And if you have any advice, please leave a comment below. 

My Advice:

1. Come up with a clear plan that both you and your spouse can agree to.
2. Rotate nights when possible so you are not getting burnt out.
3. Try the strategy on a long weekend or staycation. That way your lack of sleep isn’t causing stress.
4. When you find a strategy you like, tweak it to fit your needs
5. Be consistent

Hang in there! Your happiness is worth the work!