In-Laws: Learning to Get Along

So, this is a question that I get so often as a married woman…How do you handle your in-laws? In particular, people are curious about the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship which has gotten such a bad rep over the years. While I must admit this relationship can be tricky to navigate at times, I have been able to build and balance the wonderful relationship that I have with my in-laws. I’m at a place where I can truly say that I love my in-laws and I enjoy our relationship. I know that everyone does not experience these same sentiments but I do have some tips that I think could be universal for any in-law relationship.

1. Always be honest– Now, please don’t misconstrue honesty with hateful speech. I believe that even while being honest you can speak from a place of love. And if you’re not sure if you love your in-laws yet, you can at least lead with kindness. When conveying your thoughts and feelings with your in-laws, be as honest as possible. For example: if you don’t want your mother-in-law watching your baby overnight until the baby reaches a certain age say that. Do not beat around the bush. That just makes things worse and could lead to confusion.

2. Be open- In-laws can come with big personalities, conservative lives, or anything you can imagine. Instead of immediately shutting them out for being “too different” than you, be open to understanding who they are and accepting them for that. Let’s be clear, this does not mean that you accept every little thing that they do. But, as a whole, you can accept and appreciate them for the person they are.

3. Make an effort- I mean really try to create a relationship with your in-laws. These are the people that will be around for years to come because you are now married! So yes, even if the first attempt at making an effort does not go well, try again. Try as many times as you can without compromising your sanity and mental health. This effort could come in the form of phone calls, text messages, dinner dates, game night, etc. Find out what works for you all and go from there. 

4. Do not compare- From my experience every in-law  dynamic is different. What one set of in-laws will do, another one won’t. AND THAT IS OKAY. You can not force people to be something that they’re not, nor should you secretly expect them to be something they’re not. For example, one set of in-laws could be great at providing you financial wellness (whether you need it or not), while the other set of in-laws may be more hands-on in your day to day routine. Both are showing their love the best way they know how. If you would like them to spend more time with the kids, not buy expensive gifts, etc. Let that be known. That is where honesty comes in. And then the ball is in their court to change said behavior. So, hopefully you have made an effort to build that relationship so that they receive this message in a loving way. (See how that came full circle?)

5. Be yourself- This may be the most important thing to remember when it comes to dealing with in-laws. Stay true to who you are. This doesn’t mean being closed off to change and stubborn, but do not compromise your values and morals for the sake of this relationship. Let them see how wonderful you are!

Overall, lead with an open heart and an open mind. Building any relationship can take time. But, if you attempt this relationship with love, openness, and being yourself, the journey will be worth it!

What have you tried when it comes to building a relationship with your in-laws? Comment below.