Since Lawrence and I have been together it seems that life keeps throwing us transition periods. What do I mean by transitions? I mean periods or events that have caused us to pivot and/or change up our routine(s). Some examples include:
- Having a baby
- Buying a new house
- Getting/losing a job
- Getting married
- Enrolling in school
Whether they be large or small, how to handle transition periods is key in healthy marriages. Lawrence and I have been through all of the above examples and more and yet we keep coming out stronger and stronger. As I sit back and ask myself how, there are a few things that come to mind…
Battling Worry
When I tell ya’ll that I worry about everything, I am not exaggerating. When a situation arises, I can very easily come up with a litany of items as to why it is not a good idea. Yet, I also know that this is not beneficial for growth. So I find myself constantly working on being less worried and concentrating on the good.
I quite literally have to talk to myself and ask some key questions when doubt begins to cloud my judgement: What is the worst that could happen? If the worst does happen, can we bounce back and/or live with that? What’s the best that could happen? For example, when Lawrence decided to become a full time entrepreneur I was a nervous wreck! But after a lot of prayer and discussion I had to talk myself down from worrying. The worst that could happen in this scenario is the original business plan doesn’t work. If that happens, we change the plan or find another source of income. The best that could happen is the business plan exceeds our wildest dreams.
I would be lying if I said that this is simple, because it is not. Sometimes fear and worry creep up when I least expect it. So it’s not a one and done strategy. I use it as much as I need to in order to happily progress in our journey.
Death to the “Best Mom Syndrome”
I don’t know where this idea of what a good mom does and doesn’t do came in but it can be crippling at times. And there is no room for it when life changes are happening. While I know that I am always doing the best that I can as a mother, it gets tough to convince myself of this when routines in the household change.
One huge transition that we are in the middle of right now is me not only being a working mom but also adding being a student to the mix. That’s right, I am basically taking on a full load of school, while working full time, momming full time, and wifing full time. Many days I don’t know if I am coming or going. So needless to say, the routines at home have been crazy and I become super critical of myself as a mother. At times I feel defeated when:
- Laundry isn’t done
- I forget to pack lunch
- I can’t make it to a game
- There’s no time to cook
- I forget to buy their favorite snacks
- My events/work dominate the weekend
- I’m too tired to play
When I begin going down the rabbit hole of all the things I fall short of as a mother, it makes me want to give up some of my other responsibilities. Now, I understand that there are times when giving up things may be necessary but for me that has not been the case thus far. The only things that really snaps me out of thinking I’m the worst mother in the world is loving on my kids and Lawrence reminding of all the good things I do as a mother. Words of affirmation keep my mommy love tank full!
Being able to sit back and watch my kids play and laugh is so rewarding. The way they get excited upon my arrival and give me big hugs at bedtime, reminds me that I’m doing something right.
Go With the Flow
Now, y’all know that I am a ride or die for my planner but, I also had to learn that it is okay when the plans have to change. There is no way to plan for everything when it comes to raising a family. Take this past week for example. Lawrence went on a week-long trip to a conference. This meant I was now in charge of getting all three kids dressed and to school on time, taking care of the home, coordinating pick-ups, etc. Not to mention, the kids were out of school on Friday and this was a day I absolutely could not take off from work.
I planned for the logistics as much as I could. Everything else I had to go with the flow. My plan is to always cook a few meals for the week. Well, I did not get to cook not one meal. We had a few leftovers from the weekend, frozen meals, and KFC. That is what was best for my sanity this week. Also, I usually wake up at 5am daily to work on my blog, pray, and sit in silence. This week, wake up was pushed back to 6am because my body needed the extra hour, which meant blogging had to wait. But, I had to go with the flow and make that decision in order to be the best version of myself for my family.
When I think back to a few years ago, this scenario would have left me tensed and stressed because the plan for our unit was interrupted and there were so many moving parts to consider. Yet, overtime I have learned to just buckle-up and lean into the chaos. I do think that one huge thing that helped me survive the week was having a set bedtime routine. Knowing that at the end of the night I can put the kids to bed, have a little wind down time, and the kids sleep all night was AMAZING.
To Sum it up…
Transitions can be tough but how you get through them is what really matters. A few things that have worked for Lawrence and I are:
- Overcoming worry
- Killing the “Best mom Syndrome”
- Going with the flow
What has worked for you and your significant other when life throws you a curveball? Comment below:
